Christmas Gift Ideas for New Couples

You’re in a new romantic relationship. You’re wondering about holiday gift giving, aren’t you?

 

 

Should I give her a Holiday Gift?

Should I expect a Christmas Gift from my new boyfriend?

How much to spend on a Christmas Present for my new girlfriend?

How much is “too much” and how much is “too little”?

Should friends and family members give the two of us a Hanukah Gift?

Advice on Holiday Gift Giving

These questions were addressed beautifully by my colleague, Amber Kelleher (Kelleher & Associates) in an interview with Women.com. I completely agree with my fellow matchmaker, Amber, who said, “if you’re in the early stages of dating and have decided to give a gift, be really careful not to get anything that’s super gushy and romantic. Avoid lingerie or expensive jewelry and lean into meaningful gestures like a book they might enjoy, a nice bottle of wine, or tickets to an event they would appreciate.” Read more here.

Mistakes NOT to make with a new boyfriend or a new girlfriend when choosing a holiday gift

 

 

  • Booking a vacation, concert, or special event more than a month into the future: It’s too much pressure, and this kind of gift can make the recipient feel trapped or like there’s a claim being made that might feel premature to one of you or both of you. This type of a future-oriented gift can come across as manipulative, so be careful. Less is more, quite often, in this situation.
  • Making an assumption about your future together: Especially if the two of you are not yet referring to each other as “boyfriend” and “girlfriend” or if you’ve not yet had that all-important conversation about exclusivity. Keep things light and low-pressure by setting the tone. Yes, YOU set the tone, with playful, sweet, thoughtful gestures, and suggestions about how the two of you might integrate holiday celebrations into your newly budding relationship. The gift you choose is a lovely opportunity to set that tone and to relax the tension that comes with the holiday season.
  • Choosing the wrong type of gift: How to avoid this? Talk about each of your LOVE LANGUAGES. I love to see these conversations happening early on, even on the first/second dates. Some of us most appreciate receiving material GIFTS (a sweater, scarf, blouse, a plant, or a household item you know is on their must-have list.) Some of us most appreciate QUALITY TIME together. How to know what love languages your new love interest resonates with? I encourage you to offer up this query on an early date to someone you’re exploring with. “Here’s a fun question for you – what are your Love Languages? Like, I appreciate quality time together and words of affirmation. What do you appreciate – touch? Acts of service? Gift-giving?” Dr. Gary Chapman is the guru behind the Love Language discussion. Learn more about Love Languages here.

Gift-Giving Success Stories

 

 

I’ve had the unique privilege of overseeing 1400+ Success Story Couples pair up. Here are some fun examples for you, of the gifts that were spot on, perfectly appropriate, and very well received by those whose love story was in the “early bloom” phase.

She wrote a limerick for him, revealing that she’s planning a dinner party for him and any two people he’d love to invite. She’s a wizard in the kitchen and loves nothing more than planning and hosting a beautiful, scrumptious gathering. It was a chance for her to give something surprising and meaningful to him while also demonstrating her creativity, artistry, and graciousness. Act of Service. He loved the gesture. Who did he invite? His parents… And yes, the relationship stuck. They’re married, raising two kids together.

He knew that she loved a fun, playful game night, and he’d discovered that she’d never played Cards Against Humanity, one of his family’s favorite after-dinner activities. His holiday gift? He bought the game for her (he even wrapped it, in the cute, clumsy way that guys often do) and he wrote a note that said, “My place, anytime you like, any guests you’d love to have with us. Let’s Play!” Learn about the game here.

He’s a sucker for affection, touch, snuggling, and frequent sexual adventures. She gave him a book of coupons, which she designed and had printed up, to give him over the Christmas holidays – coupons that could be used anytime, anyplace. Coupons for: Intimacy any way he wants it, anywhere he wants it. A 30-minute back scratch. Full body massage, a quiet night of uninterrupted snuggling – a Snuggle Fest, she called it.

He observed that she melts when he compliments her, that she feels loved when she hears that he cares about her. He’d been studying piano and music composition, and he actually wrote a love song for her and played it for her, recording it too, for her to have and to keep. She teared up in appreciation over the care and artistry he invested in the gift.

He’s not one to gush with words – he’s not confident creating in that way, so his way of expressing love is to create a music playlist. He’d paid attention to the kinds of music she listens to, and he carefully chose songs that conveyed the way he felt about her and the new love they were nurturing together. They were together on a Netflix and Chill night.  He opened the bottle of Pinot Noir which he’d brought (her favorite, a nice one) and while he was opening the bottle, he texted over to her the link to the playlist, and they listened to it together. Yep, she melted. And they’re still together. He’s made dozens of playlists for her through the years, sharing new music that he discovers for her, for them to enjoy together (Act of Service. Gift Giving).

He could tell that she was smitten with him, and he could sense that she wanted and needed more quality time together. She’s a nurse with a challenging work schedule. His holiday gift for her? He adjusted his childcare schedule to sync with her open days and nights, so they can easily schedule time together and have the freedom of spontaneity. He took her to dinner at a sweet little Italian restaurant and over dessert he gave her a beautiful Christmas card, with a photo of the two of them, which he’d printed up – one for her fridge and one for his fridge, with matching heart shaped magnets (Quality Time / Gift giving).

He knew that she was saving every penny, building her new business, and that she was struggling to find time to clean her apartment, staying up late, rising early to manage that chore. He handwrote a note, in his not-so-hot handwriting, to say that he’s sharing his housekeeper with her for weekly visits, for as long as they’re together. She burst into tears of joy. (Acts of Service).

The common denominator in these gestures?

The thought and care that went into the choice of gift, each example demonstrating that the gift-giver had been paying attention to what truly matters to this newfound person-of-interest.  No pressure, just sweet, loving gestures.

What to get a new couple for Christmas?

You’re the mom, the sister, the friend to someone who’s in a new relationship. What are the best holiday gift ideas for you to give them?

  •       Gift Certificates: a favorite romantic restaurant, a Top Golf adventure, Movie/ Theatre tickets, a balloon adventure.
  •       A cooking class, oriented around cuisine they both enjoy.
  •       A certificate for a paint and sip date night for two, or for a group
  •       A gorgeous bottle of vino.

Oprah Daily covered the topic beautifully.  I love this one – a Master Class on photography, if they’re both into taking photos.

The secret to gift giving? Generosity. Giving, not in order to get something, but truly to serve and delight the other person.

Super important, especially for women. When we use the holidays and the gift-giving that happens or doesn’t happen as a TEST of his love or seriousness about the new relationship. Illustrative question: What’s a man’s least favorite day of the year? Valentine’s Day. Why? Because we sometimes set him up to fail by not letting him know what we’d truly love. They don’t know, they can’t read our minds, and so often they give nothing – they don’t want to mess up by giving the wrong gift, so they’re paralyzed and the freeze. The honest to goodness truth? Men want to “make us happy” – which I find comical and puzzling, as truly, a man can’t MAKE us happy. What’s a better approach to the puzzle that gift-giving and gift-receiving can be for a man? Give the poor guy a clue. Save him. Please.

My sons often fret over what to get Mom as a present for the holidays, or for my birthday. Hey, Alex and Kevin – here’s an easy, fun one for you. I’m a sucker for bandanas. Yep, bandanas. The “hankie” that I’ll always have with me on the hiking trail, in my travel bag, in my purse during allergy season. Yep, your mama loves a high-quality bandana, and I enjoy collecting them, ever joyous when I discover a new one. Here’s your hint for what would thrill me this year and anytime: https://www.bandanaofthemonth.club/

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