Julie Ferman
It’s one of the most common dating questions women ask: Should I text him after our first date – or wait for him to reach out first?
Here’s an example of when our female client, Linda, DID text her date, Rob afterward and here’s what happened…
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What to Text After First Date: The Real-Life Example
We had received a very positive post-date evaluation from Rob about Linda — he found her to be really warm and engaging, friendly, attractive, bright, and impressive — he also mentioned that he didn’t sense that “electricity” that he’s hoping to find in his romantic partner. When I asked him if he was open to having a second date… he hesitated and said, “I’m thinking about it, I’m not sure yet.”
Linda really enjoyed her first date with Rob. Things went well, they talked for two hours over wine, shared an appetizer, and had lots of laughter together. She couldn’t quite tell if “the romance vibe” was there for her or for him either, and she wasn’t sure just what to do. Her mama had impressed upon her the importance of always saying “Thank You,” so she took a chance and sent him a sweet, positive text after the first date saying, “Rob, thanks so much for last night — loved the stories and the laughter. Call or text anytime. Best. Linda.”
Expert tip: A short, thoughtful message like this is often the best answer to what to text after a first date. It shows interest without pressure and helps open the door for continued communication.
Texting After First Date: One Message Made the Difference
And here’s what happened next. Rob had checked in with us to let us know that he had a great time and that he was kinda on the fence about a second date. I learned from him a week later that they DID, in fact, have a second date and a third one was in the works. Matchmakers LOVE to see second and third dates, so naturally, I was excited.
I asked Rob what pushed him to the courtship side of the fence, and he said, “She’s just so sweet, nice, easygoing, warm — she had texted me the day after our first date to say thanks, and we just started a fun text message dialogue which led to some flirtation and another date… and now another. There’s something special about her — she’s really fun, relaxed, playful. I’m enjoying getting to know her and I’m glad I didn’t miss the chance to see her again.”
That’s the power of texting after a first date — it can turn uncertainty into curiosity, and curiosity into connection.
Post Date Text Etiquette: Keep It Genuine
When deciding whether to send a post date text, think about your tone and timing. Sending it within 24 hours shows appreciation and maturity. Avoid overanalyzing — a sincere thank-you or short callback to something you laughed about together often feels most natural.
Your message doesn’t have to be perfect — it just has to sound like you.
The Power of Texting After a First Date
In the ongoing debate — what to text after the first date — in this case, it was a good idea. Rob’s response shows how often to text after the first date can make a big difference when you’re trying to move forward in the relationship. Reaching out with a simple, thoughtful message helped to establish communication and set the stage for the next steps in their courtship.
Share your examples with us too. When did reaching out to a guy work out for you? When didn’t it? Guys? What do you think?
