Contents
- Am I Ready to Date Again?
- How Long Should You Wait After Losing a Spouse?
- Dealing With Guilt — and Honoring Your Late Spouse
- A Matchmaker’s Advice for Widows
- A Matchmaker’s Advice for Widowers
- What Dating Looks Like Now: Apps vs. Matchmaking After 50
- Matchmaking for Widows & Widowers
- FAQs About Dating After Loss
Am I Ready to Date Again?
You’re widowed and you’re dating again. Good for you! Congratulations on having the courage to get “out there” again.
As a personal matchmaker since 1990, I’ve worked with thousands of single widows and single widowers and it’s an honor and a joy for me to serve this particular niche in our Los Angeles Matchmaking community.
And I have some great news for you if you are widowed and dating. I’ve discovered through the years as a personal matchmaker that if you’ve loved deeply and successfully before, then you’re MUCH more likely to find love again. It’s good to hear this from a seasoned Los Angeles dating coach, Yes? Here’s the secret dating tip for widows and widowers.
How Long Should You Wait After Losing a Spouse?
People will quote you rules — a year, two years, longer. In all my years of matchmaking, I’ve never once seen grief follow a calendar. Readiness is a state, not a date. You’re ready when the thought of meeting someone new sparks curiosity rather than obligation, and when you can share a memory of your late spouse without being pulled under by it. If that’s where you are — even tentatively — it is not too soon, whatever the calendar says. Start gently: a coffee, a walk, a low-pressure evening among other singles.
Dealing With Guilt — and Honoring Your Late Spouse
And a word about the guilt so many widows and widowers carry: dating again does not demote the person you lost. Your love for your late spouse and your interest in someone new are not in competition. In fact, wanting that kind of companionship again is one of the finest compliments you can pay a great marriage.
Discipline yourself to focus on the present moment. Be really careful not to compare, and … I know it’s really tough to do this, but it’s oh so important. One of the biggest challenges in dating as a widow or a widower is that the person who shows up on the date has to compete with the person you have in your mind, which is the ideal man (or the ideal woman) who happens to have many of the characteristics that your former spouse had, plus likely some qualities that your former spouse didn’t even have. It’s a tough bill to fill for anyone but Julie Ferman knows you can do it.
A Matchmaker’s Advice for Widows
For the widows I work with, my advice starts with rediscovering YOU — the woman, not just the wife you were for so many years.
Here’s a fun exercise, if you’re a single widow or a single widower. Make a list of ten activities you’d be open to trying or doing again after what may have been a long absence. Challenge yourself to break out of your molds and patterns. Check out Meet-Up groups in your area to see if there might be some fun NEW friends to explore. And be sure to register privately with us, so we can find you when we’re searching for our current and future personal matchmaking clients. https://julieferman.com
Here’s what I’d say — remember that whether you’re having fun or not, whether you’re entertained or enjoying what you’re doing at any given moment — this is under your control. I would encourage you to look for the things that you DO have in common with each of the people you date and see how it feels being together. What you’re doing together? Not nearly as critical as you and she can always find both old and new pass times that you enjoy doing, both together, separately, and side by side. My hubby, for example LOVES to do the crosswords and he does them every single day. He also loves watching sports — lots of sports…. I’m often in the same room with him, right by his side, doing something else — reading, managing emails, words with friends, studying recipes, journaling, reading magazines, etc. etc. AND there are things we love doing together like hiking and gardening. He is a NUT for tennis (not my thing) and so I’m typically in a yoga class while he’s chasing a ball around the court.
A Matchmaker’s Advice for Widowers
It can be intimidating to be the “new date” who’s competing with decades of memories from a past love. Here’s how Gene is approaching his finding-love-again mission. Gene is one of our gentlemen clients. He is a single, widowed man who is 57 years old, a successful business owner whose wife shared So many passions — they did EVERYTHING together — gardening, cooking, hiking, camping, mountain climbing, playing chess, watching NBA Basketball – they were attached at the hip. Gene’s wrestling with the reality that it’s unlikely that he’ll find another partner who enjoys and can participate in EACH of these activities with him. So he’s practicing being in the moment, in the present, looking for common ground and shared passions with the women he’s meeting now.
The woman we introduced Gene to last weekend has a passion for painting, especially wildflowers, something he’s never been exposed to. He called me today to let me know that the two of them are going to do something creative and adventurous this coming Saturday. They’ll head to his favorite park, where she’ll be painting while he takes a five-mile power hike, and they’re both bringing goodies for a picnic afterward. They’re stretching, learning, growing, adapting — I like their chances together.
A great relationship is more about HOW you’re being together moreso than WHAT are you doing together. My hubby, Gil just chimed in — he says that balance and compliment is something to look for and to develop. Two people who are TOO much alike can make for a stale, stagnant relationship.
What Dating Looks Like Now: Apps vs. Matchmaking After 50
If the last time you were single there was no such thing as a smartphone, know this: you haven’t missed much. The dating apps run on volume — endless profiles, ghosting, and a pace that can feel brutal when you’re re-entering after decades of marriage. Some people thrive there; many of the widowed singles I meet find that swiping erodes hope faster than it builds it. The alternative isn’t settling — it’s vetting. Seniors and older singles in Los Angeles consistently do better with hand-selected, personal introductions than with the apps, because every person they meet has already been screened for sincerity and relationship-readiness.
Matchmaking for Widows & Widowers
Widowed singles are especially close to my heart — people who loved being married, who were GOOD at being married, and who want that companionship again. That’s exactly who my personal matchmaking service was built for: I hand-select every introduction, quietly and privately, so you skip the apps entirely and meet relationship-ready people who understand where you’ve been. Explore my services, read the love stories — more than a few of them began with a widow or a widower — and register privately with me so I can find you when the right person appears.
Leave the rear view mirror in the car when you go on the date, so you can truly be in the present, giving this opportunity in front of you the chance to blossom.
Julie’s rule for the first date
A private, unhurried conversation with Julie about dating after loss — at your pace, with your history honored.
FAQs About Dating After Loss
How long should a widow or widower wait before dating again?
There’s no correct timeline — grief doesn’t follow a calendar. Some people are genuinely ready within months; others need years. The better question is whether you feel curiosity and openness about meeting someone, rather than obligation or escape. Readiness is a state, not a date.
Is one year too soon to start dating after losing a spouse?
No — if you’re doing it for the right reasons. A year is a social convention, not a rule of the heart. If you can talk about your late spouse without being overwhelmed, enjoy an evening for its own sake, and feel interest rather than pressure, you’re allowed to begin — gently.
What should I know about dating a widow or widower?
Their love for their late spouse and their interest in you are not in competition. Expect anniversaries and waves of memory, and don’t treat them as red flags. What matters is whether they have room in their life for a new relationship — most widowed daters who choose to date genuinely do.
Are there matchmaking services for widows and widowers?
Yes. I’ve been a personal matchmaker since 1990, and widowed singles are especially close to my heart — people who loved being married and want that companionship again. I hand-select every introduction, so you skip the apps entirely and meet relationship-ready people who understand where you’ve been.
