Matchmaking – Not for Everyone

Julie Ferman- LA MatchmakerShould you hire a matchmaker? Here’s how to know if you are a good candidate for this type of love search process.

I’m aware of 1164 couples who have found their way down the aisle together as a direct result of having signed on with me for personal matchmaking services. That’s 2328 people for whom matchmaking worked beautifully. I feel good about this accomplishment, and yet, as time goes on, I find myself getting more and more conservative and cautious. I’m just as likely to advise a prospective client NOT to hire a matchmaker as I am to encourage that bold decision.

Here’s how to know if working with a matchmaker might be a smart move for you.

  1. You’re sincerely seeking life-long love. Finding your future partner is one of your top five goals for the coming year.
  2. The way you’re currently dating isn’t providing the intended result. You’re just not finding your way onto first, second and third dates with enough really good, qualified candidates. You’re on the sidelines of the dating process, or you’re stuck on the dating treadmill, with lots of first dates that are going nowhere.
  3. You’re desirable – how to know? Who you are tends to spark interest in others. Your personality, your psychic energy and your exterior package tend to be received well by the opposite sex. Matchmakers provide opportunities for connection, but we can’t cause attraction or romantic sparks to fly.
  4. Your requirements are reasonable. The type of person you’re interested in is also typically interested in you. In other words, you’re realistic and you’re “targeting” the type of people who are likely to be within your reach naturally.
  5. You’re coachable. The nature of blind spots is that we can’t see our own, and working with a matchmaker gives you a chance to find out if your picker is off, or if there’s anything in your behavior or your presentation that’s hurting your chances with the candidates you’re hoping to attract.
  6. You’re trusting, patient, and communicative. Dating is full of delightful surprises and disappointments too. Signing on with a matchmaker gives you a remarkable opportunity to practice your communication skills, with the people you’ll be meeting and with your matchmaker. There will be bumps in the road, as dating ensures them, and if you can keep your spirits buoyant even when things don’t go your way, you’ll be able to maintain a healthy, close relationship with your matchmaker throughout your journey together.
  7. You are in a secure enough position financially to enlist the help of a professional, without going into debt to make it happen. We can’t know for sure that your investment will deliver life-long love to you. So you should only hire a matchmaker if you can part with the cash to do so without unrealistic expectations or resentment if it doesn’t lead to the relationship you’re aiming to create for yourself. 

Matchmaking is NOT likely to work for you if… 

  1. You don’t have a good, solid grasp as to what your “romantic market value” truly is, at this point in your life. Example A: Former football star of yesteryear (now fat, flabby, broke and in no way hot) is still chasing after the much younger star cheerleader type – he doesn’t have a shot at her, and no matchmaker on the planet can get him past the first date if he’s out of touch with reality. Example B: Former model, now in her fifties still thinks she can snag the best looking, wealthiest man in the room – unlikely, and what she should know is that the best catch is usually NOT the best looking man, nor is he the wealthiest man in the room. Beauty and wealth often breed narcissism.
  2. You’re unhappy, resentful, angry, nasty or bitter. No matchmaker and indeed no new person waltzing in your life can bring you happiness. We can’t “find” true love for our clients, as love truly is more of a verb than a noun. Happy people naturally attract other happy people. Find your smile and find your joy first, and then your matchmaker will have someone truly marketable to present to her most desirable candidates.
  3. You’re shooting out of your league. It’s becoming more common for women to prefer to date younger men, especially women who are in the 50+ category, and more so as women age, as we outlive men and we tend to stay healthy longer than our male counterparts. I totally get it. And yet the reality is that men are so often still stuck on the notion that they’re the ones “entitled to” dating the younger set. It’s a conundrum, but here’s what I recommend – however many years a woman might want to target down in age, she should be willing to reach UP by the same number. That’s reasonable. When a woman who’s 55 tells me that she doesn’t want to date a man who’s older than she is, I hear a recipe for disaster. I won’t typically encourage this woman to hire a matchmaker, as she’s likely to be disappointed. A match is only a match when both people are enthused about meeting, and we can’t usually work miracles.
  4. You think that you should always get what you want. In the words of our friend, Mick Jagger, “You can’t always get what you want.” And if you can keep your sense of humor about that, you might just survive dating without your spirit getting snuffed out in the process. Sometimes, what we want isn’t really what we should have or can have, and by embracing the real, live possibilities that do come our way, we might just find that… “We get what we need.” If you have a grasp on reality, a compassionate heart, a spirit of adventure, and a willingness to learn from what develops with your matchmaking program, then you’ll be a great client and your investment might just deliver for you.

Register privately with me here, to be eligible for personal matchmaking referrals throughout Southern CA, the U.S., Canada, and beyond.

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