It’s February – for folks who are single and who would much rather be in love, it’s a tough month to endure, as in your face everywhere are hearts and Valentines, all that gushy stuff – And I know… your eyes are rolling. Here’s my prescription for you, for how to not just survive this Valentine’s Season, but how to thrive through it and transform your dating life completely.
Practice Generosity. It is Love Month, after all. Wherever you are on the spectrum between stingy and benevolent, my invitation to you is to stretch and grow and exercise your heart muscle. I want you to intentionally practice the art of loving and giving, especially in ways that are new to you. Actively and purposely engaging in this practice will literally transform the way you are perceived by others. And it transforms how you perceive yourself, which directly impacts the one element that is the very most sought after quality by today’s single men and single women – Confidence.
What does generosity look like, in dating?
Driving. Yep, YOU be the one to offer to go the extra distance to meet up with people you’re scheduling dates with. Give up the expectation that dates should always be convenient for you. What matters SO much more is that you spend this time together – the when and the where and the how of the date is so much less important. Make yourself easy to lasso.
Dough. Dating can be a huge money vacuum, especially for men who have been single for a while. Look for ways to lighten this burden. Choose venues that have Happy Hours, find restaurants that allow you to bring your own wine, or schedule dates over breakfast or mid-afternoon, over an activity that you both enjoy. One of our couples spent their second date volunteering at a soup kitchen, serving homeless people – he said that it was the best date of his life, as he got to see her heart, her soul, her compassion, and that was the day he said he fell in love with her, with what he calls her Spirit of Generosity. The cost of that date? Nothing but time and a little gas money, and they even got a bowl of soup out of it.
Time. Two people need to be together a few times before bonding begins to happen. Take a stroll through your calendar to discover your patterns. Do you tend to have one date and that’s it? And then you hit the NEXT button? If so, uh oh… it’s likely that you’re caught in the bigger-better-deal treadmill, comparing this real live person to the fictitious, imaginary ideal person that’s stuck in your mind’s eye. Slow down and give your time to the REAL people who are right in front of you, knocking on your door for another date.
Creativity. Offer up ideas for fun things to do together. Thing outside the café to suggest a variety of options for what you might do together on date number one, two or three. Don’t wait for the other person to come up with the plan – YOU be the one to offer up some fresh new ideas for your next adventure together. Picnics, dog parks, fairs/festivals, a cooking class, a lecture, a hike or walk in the park.
Interest. To be interested is much sexier than to be interesting. Pay attention to who’s talking on your dates. If it’s usually you then…. Oh my goodness, please practice the art of ZIPPING it. Do you tend to finish other people’s sentences? Do you commonly highjack conversations, pulling the subject back to yourself, again and again? This is so not sexy. Are you listening? I’m talking to you…. You will instantly become a more generous person by using your ears more than your mouth. Your mind will always work faster than the person across from you can speak. Practice the art of listening and allowing the person you’re with to finish his/her sentence, the thought, the idea before jumping in to share your perspective. This is an act of generosity, and each person in your life will be ever so grateful for your learning how to do this.
Contentedness. Your happiness. Can you be generous about this? Oh yes, you can – simply by intentionally choosing to be easier to please. My sister calls this “making your own gravy” and I love that phrase. The vast majority of your happiness is yours and yours alone to create. If you’re waiting for your circumstances to change in order for you to be happy, you’ll be setting yourself up for failure. Whether your glass of life is half full or half empty? Only you can determine that. The more happy and content you are, as simply you, has everything to do with your ability to naturally draw others into your life. Healthy people naturally run from The Grouch, so find your inner smile and use it freely, with generosity, all day long, in everything you do, for the entire month of February, and let’s see how things transform for you.
Your existing relationships with friends, family and colleagues and your future romantic relationship will benefit enormously by your practicing the art of giving now, as you navigate your way through your dating journey. To transform your experience of being human completely, choose two areas from this article to focus on, practice generosity in these new, expanded ways, and report back to me – I’ll be very interested to hear what happens for you.
