New Rules for Dating and Sex: Keep Your Pants On

Cupid's Coach Awarded Best Matchmaker 2012, 2011, 2010

Julie Ferman – Awarded Best Matchmaker 2013, 2012, 2011, and 2010

The dilemma: You’ve just started dating each other, the chemistry between the two of you is firey hot, and you’re wondering…at what point is it OK to let the clothes fly?

To protect your heart, to preserve your precious time, to avoid the traps, and to stack the deck in your favor, follow these guidelines:

Keep Your Pants On…until these elements are in place.

1. You’re not dating anyone else, and neither is he.

2. You are both in alignment about why you’re dating – your end-goals line up. If you’re sincerely seeking marriage and kids, then simply do not move into the sexual arena with anyone whose purpose in dating doesn’t match your own. If you’ve not yet had that conversation and you don’t know the other person’s longer term plan…keep your pants on a little while longer. The guy who is sincerely seeking life-long love will wait for it, and just like our moms and dads told us, they expect to wait for it. If we give it up too easily or too early, they’ll likely lose respect and they’ll wonder how many other men have gotten there first. Really…

3. You’ve had the touchy and oh-so-critical conversations about birth control and safe sex / STD’s. Have you been tested since your last sexual relationship? Has he? It may seem unromantic, but here’s how one of our recent success story couples handled it. Once things started heating up and they became exclusive Steven and Margaret went into the clinic together to get tested, and then when their tests came back clean (WHEW!), they celebrated with a fanatastic bed and breakfast weekend that was off the charts romantic and joyous.

Remember high school? We had lots of fun with our pants on, didn’t we? Sex is actually MUCH more satisfying when we’ve waited a while for it, and it’s more along the lines of love making than cheap, casual sex. It’s worth the wait.

In twenty years of being a matchmaker, I’ve never gotten a call from a woman on a Monday morning saying “Darn….I wish I’d slept with that guy!” It’s the other Monday morning call that tears my heart out, when she says “What was I thinking?”

One Drink Only, ladies. There’s a one word answer for why alcohol was put on the planet. Procreation. We’re compelled by our biology to want to have sex. Be smarter than your biology and keep your pants on until you KNOW you’re with the right guy.

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